I AM A MIRACLE!
“If only our eyes saw souls instead of bodies how very different our ideals of beauty would be.”—Unknown
I was broken. All my life I was bullied, held back, mocked and belittled to the brink of suicide, for a variety of reasons.
I saw my soulmate Lisa die seven years ago. “Lili” (pronounced like lily) was my lover and best friend. I have not had a significant other since, not even a date in years. I became a mother to my five children and the tribulation exhausted me. I let the wacky, funny Dennis get sickened to the brink of death from being overwhelmed. Worse, others literally cheered when my dreams failed.
I would not wish the hell that has been my life on my enemies. They are not worthy of the burden.
The burden is I am a miracle. We all are. The miracle is we are embodied to rescue others.
I started going to nude beaches and resorts a year after Lili died trying to find myself, confronting inadequacies I had (mainly being a “grower not a shower”). I never prayed to God nude until I was at Haulover Beach (near Miami). The sunrise was incredible, symbolic of His grace renewing every morning. From there, I found that modeling for life drawing classes was great therapy and I helped others do the same.
Ironically, Lili loved to walk around nude all the time, I was the coward. I regretted lacking courage to ask her to go on a naturist adventure. Now we will not until we are both on the other side of eternity. I asked for a waterfall shoot before I remembered I often dreamed of joining her in Heaven at a waterfall. Was Lili sending a message? I know she longs for me to join her there.
The photo shoot was actually quite scary, with slippery rocks, loose soil, etc. But it was all worth it. I deliberately brought a few lilies for the shoot, to symbolize Lili will always be with me. I was asked to pose for a few shots with water hitting on or behind my head. I didn’t think about it at the time, but it is a perfect symbol of eternal love, wondrous cleansing love that will never end.
Modeling and going to nudist resorts, I start to see the real me, a peek from time to time, but then a crisis scares him away.
But I found me. I was here all along…
Clothes divide us, label us. Perceptions about “perfection” truly enslave us. Imperfect and hypocritical bullies make us hide who we really are by telling us what we “ought to be.”
I am tired of hiding. People I love need the real me.
Do not let my appearance fool you. Eyes have been trained to lie for too long. What does your spirit say?
I am a damn good friend and a damn good lover. I am a damn good father and a damn good mother. I am a minister, a writer, and a comedian. I am sensitive and stubborn. I am a diva and I am worth all the drama. I am highly intelligent and can be greatly naive. I am a hero to my children. I am immortal and I am flawed. But I have found my balance in confidence.
What a fool I was to curse God. My deliverance was not an accomplishment I sought to achieve. It was an epiphany that I am a miracle.
And there is no such thing as an ugly miracle!
Let them mock. Let them be liars. It is their coping mechanism, so let them be. They are the real cowards anyway.
I know the truth. I know I am sexy. I know I am wonderful. Real beauty comes from your spirit.
The wacky, funny Dennis is alive! I will never die even when my body does.
This is the Dennis that Lisa was hoping for! My precious Lili will rejoice when I am no longer lonely. My tribulation is over, this miracle is on my next adventure…
And this miracle is going to help others kick the world’s ass with a smile on my face…let’s go!