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Honey – Black Rock City USA

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When I was little I was aware of beauty, and my body and my face. I was aware of my outer beauty and that it was considered important. I was aware of Jane Fonda’s body in her aerobic videos, and in awe of what a woman’s body “should” look like.

I don’t know what initially sparked my insecurities, but I remember by age 4 or 5 I thought I wasn’t thin or beautiful enough. I remember trying to be thin, not aware of the harm I was causing my heart.

Years passed and my obsessions about my beauty would come and go. People would say I was pretty, but I never really believed it.

I took gymnastics, as a child, ages 7-12, and I continued to compare my body to the other girls. Their thighs didn’t touch, their stomachs were flat. My mother dieted a lot. I saw a lot of women doing weight watchers and “trying to lose weight.” I took to this pattern myself.

I ran cross-country and that made me feel strong and like a deer. I started ballet at a pre-professional dance school at age 11. I began to follow my dream to be a ballet dancer. Many of the girls had eating disorders and were very thin. I thought I should look like that. I counted my food, and I poked, prodded, and pounded my body to be a beautiful ballerina. I was never good enough.

In college, I turned to creative and healing practices; modern dance, experimental theater, music and yoga. Through time and awareness with these practices, I began to experience deep healing. I started to feel more self-care and self love, more connected to spirit, rather than what was a reflection in a mirror. I still deal with daily judgments. I am pursuing music as my career, and this nourishes my soul.

I believe in my spirit and have experienced moments, days, and weeks where I can start to see my body free from years of judgement. We all know our society places women in a place of thinness and modes of insanely impossible archetypes. This ideal in the commercial world represents the feminine. It still exists… yes there are movements, it is getting better, but the vast majority of the archetypes still in the magazines are beauty and thinness. Why is this cycle of pain, abuse, and judgment toward a women’s body still embedded inside of us? How do we as women collectively break this cycle together?

I am starting to heal and see my body as an emerald vessel, in rose quartz, all love and light. To expose my deeply felt emotions with the temple and the sunrise will always be a shimmering light of healing in my body. 

I stood at the temple today and released 20 or more years of body judgement and shame. I am beautiful, I felt beautiful. I felt supported and healed in this ball of open light. To have my sister there, and to share my feelings, has initiated a great letting go and an awareness of love. I am loved and supported. However, I still have loving work to do every day. I want to continue this loving practice in my body, to allow myself to feel peace inside of my body. 

My prayer is that this experience will help me in my healing, so that I may love my body as it is. It doesn’t matter how big or small I am; I will always be this love. I will always be a vessel of light.

My prayer is that other women can join on this path toward re-shaping our culture’s expectations of the feminine body. I would love to one day fully embody and embrace my heart, my magnetic body as something not of just skin and flesh and bone, but of pure spirit, pure bliss, pure gratitude, acceptance and love.

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Mudita – Black Rock City USA

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Audacity and the desire to ask for permission to BE, still.

For so long, I tried to receive the kind of attention on my body that would make me feel safe. I looked to you, brothers and sisters, to affirm that I was okay.

Except for today.

Today audacity came before trying to look nice, be nice, and be accepted, as my naked body tore through the lines of observers who were not there to see me. In fact, I became an obstruction, a block, in the line of sight of a body of work burning down. I received a booo as I rose to stand against the grain, to defy an expectation that the best way to be is within the confines of following the rules, like the rule that “thinner is better,” or a size zero is better than a size six.

I rose in a cultural landscape that celebrates radical self-expression, which emboldened me. Still, I did not hear applause as I rose; but I cheered inside my mind. To be inside this skin is to be bold enough to be witnessed and to take action in the name of growth, by my choosing, against the grain of externalized self-hatred.

My sister cheered me on, watching, and as protestors to my desire to stand in front began to complain, she got up close and said “Don’t worry, this is for a really good cause.” My sister, whom I used to use as the standard to which I would most harshly compare myself. She was there, and later when I saw her tears I realized how impactful it is to be transforming so boldly in front of someone who knew so much of my struggles about body image.

With the competitive mind I cultivated as a defense mechanism with my sister, at Burning Man I also experienced the pangs of desire of having other people’s bodies. “Radical self-expression” became another kind of prison in my initial interpretation. I thought I needed to look sexy or cool, using the costumes employed in this landscape to experience acceptance in expression.

I can’t seem to escape the proclivity to compare, but I can curb the act of comparison by the act of love and the refusal to reflect on our unspoken agreements to keep our structures of defensiveness or towers of conformity up.

I stand for embodiment, to embrace my sisters and brothers even in disapproving eyes, and even when I shed my judgements on others.

Let’s burn our judgements down and stand in the truth of radical self-expression.

 

EJ – Black Rock City USA

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I discovered nudism when I was in college. There is a nude beach near Cape Canaveral, FL, where I could enjoy nature and study.

 

Later in life, I learned of nudist resorts in my area. I am still amazed at the freedom and unity that nudists experience.

 

Burning Man is nudist-friendly, which is certainly a bonus. The dust, like nudity, is a great equalizer.

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Zen Master This – Black Rock City USA

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Growing up in New Jersey in the 1970’s as a skinny, unathletic kid, I didn’t have much of a connection with my body. I was usually fully covered, wearing long-sleeved shirts and long-legged pants.

I discovered backwoods hiking and cross-country biking in college and began to get a sense that there was a range of physical activities that complemented my intellectual and artistic interests.

Very nervously I tried skinny dipping and naturism a few times, and I enjoyed it. I gradually became a committed naturist and life model, and I’m happy to say I am now comfortable in my own skin.

Being part of the Embody Project is a natural extension of my naturist and life modeling interests.

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Fleur Inanna – Italy

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The mystery builds with every magical breath that is given, the natural blossoming beyond the “I” is most infinitely bound. My path is like water, a way of nature the determines the feminine flow of awakening within the infinite. To fully become and inhabit the unending expression of nature, appearing over and over out of the unchanging in a temporary expression of beauty, love and play.

Embodiment is not about someone or something being in the body, it is to become entirely embedded within existence, within everything with no divides, inclusive of our physical form but not exclusive. Inclusive of all parts, inner and outer, upper and lower, front and back, inclusive of all other.

When all sense of me becomes embedded within everything I become the material fabric of my very nature and all that is appearing within reality in the moment through me. In this there is a soft natural flow of union propagating outwards from the center of everything, within me, radiating out and folding back on itself.

When the experiencer and the perceiver no longer exist apart, when inner and outer are one, when all halves unite and the womb is empty full; white magic appears within all things, this belongs to the mystery and is where miracles happen.

To move from this, as the naturally appearing expression of union, in total ease and softness of being, complete receptivity of nature rising from within, driven and harnessed, is pure ecstasy. It is here I disappear so entirely into the magical appearance of things, I am so fully gone whilst simultaneously being so fully here.

It is like becoming an infinite weave of union between and within all things; to recognise the origin within me, that pulls in the thunder and rain and strikes my laugh with lightning, all things become cohesive, responsive and moved by such inner marriage including me. The light, the rocks, the water, my body, the camera all worked together to propagate nature’s expression within the moment, the happening effortlessly informing itself in creation of itself, the center of which is arising within me, within all things. This feels like deep ease and totality of flow which inhabits everything, it is like dreaming the dream from deep sleep and rest.

I recognise that sharing this union compels me according to divine proportion; this, my basic offering that is not exclusive to me, but most obviously inherent to me in a way it may not be to someone else; every individuated whole serves a role within nature, we complete each other by design; this is mine. I have a deep sensitivity for beauty within divine proportion and perfection of all things and love, so often the nature of my sharing is intimate with these qualities. I was once called a sensual scientist, I like this name. Such sharing is entirely dependent on my capacity for union in any given moment and the creative capacity belongs entirely to all things, to consciousness itself. I cannot make it happen, I cannot do anything; in fact it is only when all that I am is gone, can what is most true to my nature appear within all things through my body.

This body, this waterfall, this person, these rocks are recognisable to be one but not the same; each part unified within itself and with other. Natural expression appears within me, within you, we inform and change one another in a dance of individuated wholes. The greater the impeccability of union, the greater the creative play between things. So intimately absorbed we become, the impeccability of our union increases its reach so naturally.

Catawba waterfalls, this magical place I deeply love. You opened your medicine to me and mine poured into you. I feel blessed to participate with you in this intimate way. To become you so entirely and direct all that you are in creative dance through the flow of body. In the days leading to this moment you appeared within me over and over, propagating union within the spirit of the water, rocks and elders who guard the sacred river. Yesterday as l lay in the water, all sense of me slipped through a doorway within my own being in the center of my body through the core of my heart, disappearing entirely into, back and within the undivided whole that was my body, my nature, this waterfall, the shaman who remembers, all became one, contained, cohesive, magical appearance within the inner most sanctuary of being. The enhanced beauty and love that our creative play has inspired, in obvious service to the whole radiates me. You are not a thing, nor I, and yet I truly bow to the spirit of uniqueness that you cascade.

Erica, beloved infinite companion. I see you and how you disappeared so entirely into the play, directing my body through nature to fall and twist and turn, to light up, to celebrate, to feel, to cry, to radiate with goddess. I was deeply moved when you asked me to stand, I looked up to the sky filled with rising water, radiating as the majestic sovereignty of land/body ~ creation beyond “I”. I felt you within me, the shared sentiments of all beings who remember the way of infinite water within “the deepest wish for all beings to know they are love, to know this beauty exists within every shape and curve, line and limb, cell and tissue in their beautiful, undivided, differentiated bodies, and come to know this directly through the intimacy between and within all things.”

 

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Gord – USA

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When I heard about the project and then saw some its excellent photography, I was intrigued by it.  After contacting Erica and discussing it with her, I wanted to participate.

For several years, I’ve been working as an artists’ model and pose nude fairly often, yet always indoors.  Plus, I’ve mostly been captured with a brush or pencil, not a camera.  I love the blending of nudity and nature, and that was a major incentive for doing this.  (And at 59 years old, I thought, “Why not?”)

The actual shoot wasn’t work at all, as modeling can often be.  Savoring the warmth of the midday sun, and a light breeze, on my skin made it all the more enjoyable.  It was fun and relaxing, and Erica and I–photographer and subject–meshed.  Afterwards, I realized how open I was.  Not so much as a model, but in what I expressed to Erica, and how candid I was in our interviews before and after the shoot.

I think that’s what I’ll take with me the most from this experience. Not what I revealed of myself, but about myself.  Shakespeare wrote “to thine own self be true” (as we all should), and I was–embodied.

 

 

 

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David – USA

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[A short excerpt of a draft play titled “The Model” adapted to fit my experience with Erica and the Embody Project]

The stage is fully lit. Four artists (Erica, Skip, Tebbe, and Mark) with art pads are standing behind easels. Center stage a low rectangular platform is lit by a solitary directional lamp. Seated on the edge of the platform is a single model, David, in a blue robe exchanging pleasantries with the artists. He asks if everyone is ready to begin. They all nod and David rises and stands on the small stage. He casually kicks off his flip flops and comfortably slips out of his robe, dropping it to the side. David begins a series of short one minute gestures effortlessly moving from the first to the next, ticking off the seconds in his head, until ten poses have been completed. As agreed, he places a stool and sits for his first of three ten minute poses. As he remains still all the action and conversation takes place among the artists intently sketching. The lights grow dim on the model as the tranquility of the scene is broken by Mark.

Mark: “I’m very impressed. David is a great model”

Erica: “What do you mean? How do you define a great model?”

Mark: “Well, it’s a model that doesn’t shrink back when they’re nude, comfortable in their own skin. A model who shies away has to be constantly directed. That’s distracting. David seems very comfortable and more importantly confident in what he is doing. He holds great poses and provides a wonderful sense of energy in his stillness.

Erica: “Yes, I can see that. He does appear to be very good. (To Skip) How important is it to draw all different shapes and sizes?

Skip: We as artists appreciate using different types. (Chuckles) We can’t always use a Christie Brinkley. The world is made up of all kinds.

Tebbe: (With a sly grin) Yeah, but having her up there for one night wouldn’t be a bad thing. But seriously, I love using all types in my work. It makes for very interesting art.

Lights go down on the artists and up on David as he puts on his robe and addresses the audience with his monologue.

David: I can pose all day and never think twice about being nude. Go figure. I have saggy breasts, a gut (no six pack, more like a keg). My butt is huge. I’ve got cellulite, blemishes, a prominent mole on my nose, and crooked teeth. But just look at them (points to the artists drawing). I’m sure their perceptions are much different than mine. You heard Mark. I imagine they see circles, triangles, squares, lines, and contrasts, even negative space. I know they appreciate my modeling. But from my perspective there’s definitely no “negative space” in this package.

But the artists that see those qualities pass no judgement other than my abilities to hold a pose and to project energy in a static stance. It’s a comforting feeling to be viewed as an aesthetic object of beauty. Much different than the feeling I get when I’m at the beach. My level of comfort greatly wanes. Are people staring? Are they laughing? If truth be told probably not many are truly looking my way – completely opposite the intense focus I get in the studio. But should I really care? I think it’s sad that I can’t view myself in the same way the artist does. How liberating would that be?

But I judge myself. Passing a mirror out of the shower I view myself as not “The Model” on the platform but as David, with love handles, uneven eyes, double chin and jowls. Why can’t I see myself as the artist does – someone who is appreciated for what he gives and provides – inspiration and excellence? Isn’t that who I really am?

The lights go up once again on the artists as David steps up on the platform, slips off his robe as before, and positions himself for the next pose.

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Dennis – USA

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I AM A MIRACLE!

“If only our eyes saw souls instead of bodies how very different our ideals of beauty would be.”  —Unknown

I was broken.  All my life I was bullied, held back, mocked and belittled to the brink of suicide, for a variety of reasons.

I saw my soulmate Lisa die seven years ago.  “Lili” (pronounced like lily) was my lover and best friend.  I have not had a significant other since, not even a date in years.   I became a mother to my five children and the tribulation exhausted me.  I let the wacky, funny Dennis get sickened to the brink of death from being overwhelmed.  Worse, others literally cheered when my dreams failed.

I would not wish the hell that has been my life on my enemies.  They are not worthy of the burden.

The burden is I am a miracle.  We all are.  The miracle is we are embodied to rescue others.

I started going to nude beaches and resorts a year after Lili died trying to find myself, confronting inadequacies I had (mainly being a “grower not a shower”).  I never prayed to God nude until I was at Haulover Beach (near Miami).  The sunrise was incredible, symbolic of His grace renewing every morning.  From there, I found that modeling for life drawing classes was great therapy and I helped others do the same.

Ironically, Lili loved to walk around nude all the time, I was the coward.  I regretted lacking courage to ask her to go on a naturist adventure.  Now we will not until we are both on the other side of eternity.  I asked for a waterfall shoot before I remembered I often dreamed of joining her in Heaven at a waterfall. Was Lili sending a message?  I know she longs for me to join her there.

The photo shoot was actually quite scary, with slippery rocks, loose soil, etc.  But it was all worth it.  I deliberately brought a few lilies for the shoot, to symbolize Lili will always be with me.  I was asked to pose for a few shots with water hitting on or behind my head.  I didn’t think about it at the time, but it is a perfect symbol of eternal love, wondrous cleansing love that will never end.

Modeling and going to nudist resorts, I start to see the real me, a peek from time to time, but then a crisis scares him away.

But I found me.  I was here all along…

Clothes divide us, label us.  Perceptions about “perfection” truly enslave us.  Imperfect and hypocritical bullies make us hide who we really are by telling us what we “ought to be.”

I am tired of hiding.  People I love need the real me.

Do not let my appearance fool you.  Eyes have been trained to lie for too long.  What does your spirit say?

I am a damn good friend and a damn good lover.  I am a damn good father and a damn good mother.  I am a minister, a writer, and a comedian.  I am sensitive and stubborn.   I am a diva and I am worth all the drama.  I am highly intelligent and can be greatly naive.  I am a hero to my children.  I am immortal and I am flawed.  But I have found my balance in confidence.

What a fool I was to curse God.  My deliverance was not an accomplishment I sought to achieve.  It was an epiphany that I am a miracle.

And there is no such thing as an ugly miracle!

Let them mock.  Let them be liars.  It is their coping mechanism, so let them be.  They are the real cowards anyway.

I know the truth.  I know I am sexy.  I know I am wonderful.  Real beauty comes from your spirit.

The wacky, funny Dennis is alive!  I will never die even when my body does.

This is the Dennis that Lisa was hoping for!  My precious Lili will rejoice when I am no longer lonely.  My tribulation is over, this miracle is on my next adventure…

And this miracle is going to help others kick the world’s ass with a smile on my face…let’s go!